Is stress keeping you stuck in unhealthy habits?

“Stressed is being in the weeds. Overwhelmed is being blown”

This quote from is from Brené Brown in her book, Atlas of the Heart, and is a helpful analogy. 

Brene defines being stressed as, “When we evaluate environmental demand as beyond our ability to cope successfully. This includes elements of unpredictability, uncontrollability, and feeling overloaded.”

Modern life is stressful for most people. Pressures of work, family, health, finances are just a few of the stressors that people struggle with.

Each one on their own may be challenging but manageable. Layer a few together and this can become a problem.

We are expected to manage more and more, as technology allows for us to do everything so much quicker. We are also developing into a culture of wanting results immediately. 

Why stress makes us irritable and emotional

Our body reacts to stress by increasing our heart rate and releasing cortisol, the stress hormone. Our emotional state is more related to our cognitive assessment of whether we can cope with the situation.

Think of a situation where you have had to think on your feet, feel challenged in a good way. Your body releases cortisol so that you can manage the situation and remain focused. If it is a challenge you enjoy then you are not overwhelmed and your emotions are relatively stable. Switch that to a situation that you assess in your mind as too challenging then you feel overwhelmed and your emotions can feel unstable.

Short term stress can boost our immune system, help us to feel alert to meet a deadline and be a positive experience. Long term stress over a number of weeks, months or even years takes its toll on the body. Brene lists a few of the associated problems in her book, such as decreased immune function, more rapid ageing, greater inflammatory processes, less sleep and poorer health behaviours. 

The point at which we feel overwhelmed, that we cannot cope, we send signals to the primitive part of our brain that there is a crisis and we are sent into survival mode. It is at this point that we are encouraged by our primitive mind to do whatever we have done in the past that has helped us deal with this feeling of stress and overwhelm.

Initially this might manifest as those primitive reactions: either anger (or irritability), fear (or some level of anxiety) or becoming withdrawn (shutdown for some).

We then move to other coping mechanisms that we have used in the past when we felt stressed and/or overwhelmed. Behaviours such as having a drink(or several) at the end of the day to wind down, having a cigarette, eating some rubbish food, internet shopping. The list is long for how we all deal with stress.

The primitive part of the brain does not assess whether these coping mechanisms are healthy or not, just whatever is going to keep us safe from the perceived threat and lead us to safety in our minds.

This is how behaviours form and continue. 

A woman in the background behind a table. An industrial looking wall with a table in front with items on it. The words Punch today in the face painted in white on the wall.

“I can’t slow down”, “I want to be healthier, but I just can’t do it”,” I am so exhausted”

These are just some of the things that clients will say to me in the initial consultation. They have tried many ways to give up a habit, tell themselves no more, wake up each day and say this day will be different. However, by the end of the day or end of the week they are back to the same pattern again. 

This is often at the point that a client will come to see me wanting to shift these behaviours but feeling powerless to know how.

I then lead them through the process to break this pattern. It is not quick but it is highly effective.

3 steps to changing how you deal with stress and build new healthier habits

Step 1:

Identify the stressors. Work through when you are in fight/flight and what the triggers are. Identify when you feel more calm and relaxed. Don’t shy away from the details, often it is the little things that make a huge difference.

Step 2: 

Observe yourself now with this awareness and what you currently do to manage this feeling of stress. This is very powerful. Often clients want to jump to making changes, but observation is key. 

We cannot change what we are not aware of. If you go to the cupboard for a sugary snack each time you finish or start a difficult meeting at work then notice it, what are you seeking in this moment?

Step 3:

Work out new solutions to the stress, different coping mechanisms. Reduce the number of stressors in your life, this may take a few weeks. Find solutions that work for you. Begin to focus on what is already working well, the glimmers, and build on them. Learn new stress management tools that work for you, such as breathing techniques, movement, cognitive labelling. Using hypnosis throughout this process will consolidate change, eliminate self sabotage and give you an ongoing positive perspective.

The brain needs and loves repetition. The above only works if you stick to the new solutions you have found. We are not seeking perfection, but consistency is key.

Do hormones play a part for women post 40 and feeling like they are going crazy?

Yes!! Hormones can hijack us, post 40, women find it harder to manage stress. 

There is a good explanation for this. 

As our hormones become depleted we have less capacity to manage stressors. You are not losing your mind, you are losing your hormones. 

It is even more important to find ways to manage stress as you enter the Perimenopause (most women enter Perimenopause once they turn 40). Our ovaries pass the baton of hormone production onto our adrenal glands. The resources to produce the hormones we need can be stolen to produce stress hormones if we are always stressed. 

This 3 step process becomes vital for women post 40. We have to look after our emotions and our bodies more carefully as our hormones deplete. Stress is a big factor as to how well we age.

If you would like to have support to embed positive change and feel more calm, confident and in control of your life then book a free initial consultation with me and let’s get started today!