Do you struggle with life’s admin? Get overwhelmed by your inbox? Have decision paralysis? You are not alone.
These small jobs that we often avoid can impact our mood and then cause problems in other areas of life.
Many people who have high performing jobs, and a life that appears sorted from the outside can often struggle with life admin tasks.
This is not a sign that you are failing, it means you are struggling like many of us, to juggle a busy life and its many demands.
By life admin I mean the small stuff (which may be connected to the big stuff of life) that you keep meaning to get round to but can’t find time or get overwhelmed when trying to fit it in.
Maybe it is that dentist appointment that is several months or even years overdue, the car needs its MOT, a dripping tap that has been bugging you for months. The list is endless and no one single task is huge but put them all together and they can feel overwhelming.
Stress is a factor
When we are stressed, the part of the brain responsible for executive functioning, that we need for decision making and planning, can go offline. We are often in fight/flight mode when we are stressed and so our amygdala is triggered as though there is a crisis we need to survive. This is not a helpful state to be in when finding the best car insurance deal or remembering to buy a present for your niece.
Stress also leads us to be either defensive, agitated or withdrawn as we are in our primitive survival mode. Decision making with our partner or friend can then become strained and often lead to arguments. Another reason to put off the conversation and add to the anxiety that things are not getting done.
If we think of the stress bucket analogy. We only have so much capacity for the stress of the day, as we often already have some residual stress that we are carrying around from unresolved issues.
Therefore, the negative thoughts about the tasks that are not getting done or are causing other problems, turn into anxiety and this leads to stress building in the stress bucket.
A large clock on the floor with a chair in the middle with a person sat on their laptop, viewed from above with their hood up
But why do I avoid these tasks and let them build and build?
When we avoid anything difficult in life, we send a message to the primitive part of the brain that avoiding the task or issue is what is keeping us safe from the perceived threat.
It tricks us into thinking that the avoidance is keeping us safe whenever we return to thinking about the task or issue.
However this primitive part of the brain has got it wrong. Only because it is not designed to differentiate between the fear of an expanding inbox of unread emails and a polar bear chasing us down the street.
We respond in the same way and so if avoidance is keeping us safe, avoidance is what we continue to do.
At the same time the thought, “I should get that sorted” becomes louder and we get stuck, frozen in decision paralysis and feeling bad about ourselves.
Permission to find life admin difficult
Many of my clients struggle with life admin and so do I. You are not alone but we don’t talk about it very often, again through fear of appearing disorganised or failing at life.
As we get older the jobs of life seem to mount up, however our energy levels can feel depleted and we have less capacity to manage the many demands of life.
Stress levels are at an all time high following the pandemic. The cost of living, along with scarce resources in all sectors mean that many people are walking around with a full stress bucket before they even finish their working week.
It is no wonder that life admin can feel like the last straw, the jobs that get pushed onto another day, causing strain and overwhelm on a daily basis.
Life admin and the neurodivergent experience
For those of us who are neurodivergent, life admin can be a huge source of stress and also shame.
The constant nagging feeling that there is something you have forgotten to do
The overwhelm of needing to make choices
Ongoing procrastination
Demand avoidance
Money management struggles
Rigidity of thinking - fear of spending money
Catastrophising - what might be wrong with the car, what might happen if savings are spent on a new washing machine, what the unopened bill might be about
Neurodivergent and neurotypical relationships seeing the problem with the life task differently causing further stress
Time blindness, thinking we can get more done than we actually can in a short space of time
A woman’s face with nature background, holding a slice of watermelon that is in front of her face like a large smile
What can I do to get back on top?
Speak to yourself with kindness. You are doing your very best to manage everything, many people struggle with these life tasks.
Book some time into your calendar to do a ‘mind dump’ of all the life admin tasks that are running round in your mind.
Book another time slot in your calendar to then go through the list, with your partner if you live with someone, to pick out those tasks that need to take priority. Break them down into achievable chunks. This task is easier if you are in a room with few distractions and your phone on silent.
Add to your calendar, or add a reminder on your phone when you are going to complete the first most important task. Plan around when you have your best focus and energy to do the task, you are more likely to achieve it.
Plan a reward once you have completed the task. As simple as the next episode in your current favourite Netflix series, or a coffee with a friend.
Stick to the date when it arrives, focusing on the reward afterwards as the motivating factor.
Notice how good it feels to tick a task off the list and the relief that you dealt with it. Watch your anxiety lessen.
Many therapists and coaches who work with neurodivergent clients will support with finding tools to manage life day to day. Building a toolkit of personalised techniques can help improve mood and overall well being.
If you are feeling very stressed and anxious and would like to have a chat about how I can help you, please get in touch.
