105 unread WhatsApp messages in my friend groups and counting!!

The reality of today’s methods of communication can feel overwhelming for many neurodivergent people. This in turn can create a shame spiral.

Many of my clients want help with managing this issue as it brings up many aspects of their neurodivergence. 

What looks like “not texting back,” being inconsistent, or avoiding plans is often something very different beneath the surface.

For some, texting creates a unique kind of pressure. 

There’s time to overthink, no facial reassurance, and no way to gauge tone or emotional response. This can make a simple message feel like a high-stakes interaction.

A few common themes often come up:

Fear of getting it wrong. Crafting the “right” response can feel overwhelming, especially when there’s uncertainty about how the other person will interpret it.

Pressure to manage expectations. Texting often carries an unspoken expectation to reply quickly or arrange plans, which can feel heavy when energy is low.

Phases of communication. Many neurodivergent individuals naturally move through social phases: periods of wanting to make plans, followed by periods of needing space. This isn’t about caring less, it’s about fluctuating capacity.

Difficulty being the organiser. Being “in charge” of making plans can feel daunting. Clear plans offered by others often feel much easier to step into.

Fear of disappointing people. A worry that they might not be up to it on the day can stop them from committing, even when they genuinely want connection.

Less daily contact. When someone isn’t in environments like school or a workplace, they may see fewer people day-to-day, which increases pressure to maintain relationships through text alone.

Connection still matters deeply. Despite these challenges, connection is often hugely important, but even then, they may need a clear purpose for the interaction and a natural end point.

These patterns are not signs of disinterest or avoidance. They’re signs of someone navigating social connection in a way that feels emotionally safer and more manageable for their nervous system.

People who understand this, often those who are neurodivergent themselves, tend to offer the kind of patience and low-pressure communication that helps these relationships thrive.

Understanding these dynamics can make a significant difference. It fosters compassion, reduces misinterpretations, and helps everyone involved feel more connected, even when communication doesn’t look “typical.”

How do you manage your relationships via messages? 

#adhd #autism #neurodivergence #adhdawareness #autismawareness #autisticcommunication